Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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