and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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