Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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