Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
