Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
