Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
