I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
