Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
