my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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