My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
