No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
