How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
