I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
