david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
