***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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