i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
