Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
