I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
