Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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