So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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