We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
