I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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