no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
