just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
