i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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