But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
not ubering you a puppy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
