I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
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So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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