Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
