I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
