the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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