i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
