I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
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