my being single is dangerous.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
