Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Vodka?
Forever.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
