i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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