I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
