Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
