so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
