Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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