Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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