there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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