Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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