The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Pants are for mortals
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
