You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
