The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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