Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
