I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
