seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
