Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
