You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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