I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
