It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I will pee on everything he values.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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