I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You took a bar mat shot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
