I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize