I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
