I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
