I am puke
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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