You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
