Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
