Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
