My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
