We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
