google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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