Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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