According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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