I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
