You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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